by William Skink
Clearly the American embarrassment known as Ryan Lochte succumbed to a Russian plot in Rio. I suspect Russian agents infiltrated the party Lochte left with his swimmer bros and used some kind of chemical agent and/or mind control techniques to cause the swimmers to go berserker on a gas station bathroom.
Knowing the inclination of Americans to lie and blame others for their misbehavior, all Russia had to do was sit back and watch the moronic Lochte concoct a robbery story that was immediately scoped up by the propagandists in our media predisposed to any negative story depicting Brazil as a dangerous, disgusting toilet of a country unable to pull off an Olympics in their third world hovel.
I hope our media can uncover this Russian plot to embarrass us at the Olympics so we can get back to feeling superior and mocking others like entitled mean girls laughing at the less fashionable at a high school prom.