Losing at Laser Tag, Losing at Bumper Boats

by William Skink

My oldest recently turned 7, and to celebrate we extended last weekend for a special trip to Triple Play, just north of Coeur d’Alene. What this hotel/fun-park offers is an over-stimulating array of activities that pregnant woman and people with high blood pressure should avoid. It was great.

For the uninitiated, here’s a list of the attractions: go karts, bumper boats, putt-putt golf, ropes course, arcade, Raptor Reef water park (you pay more for that wrist band, of course) and, last but not least, laser tag.

For both myself and my oldest, it was our first time engaging in laser tag combat, and we were no match for Red Team’s combat moms. The experience was actually pretty intense. Nothing like the 1986 laser tag I remember.

The reason I’m writing this is post is because Dan Brooks wrote this post about his recent laser tag experience in Missoula, at The Hub. It’s one of the best things I’ve read in a long time.

I’m going to piggyback on Dan’s dickbag girl theorem by describing an eerily similar experience I had at Triple Play last weekend, with the bumper boats.

Obviously, if I’m getting into a bumper boat, I should expect the possibility of getting wet. To set the scene, there were four spouts spraying water from the center of the man-made pond, and each bumper boat was equipped with a button to “go” and a button to “spray”.

Once kicked loose by the attendant, we were free to putter around and spray away. I immediately had this little girl glom on to my every move, soaking me directly in the face. I finally got aggravated enough to demand a ceasefire. Ironically, she got the boat the previous occupant warned our group had too short a range. By keeping on me as closely as she did, her short range soaked me while my return fire soared above her head.

Dan Brooks describes the strategy that confounded his competitive laser tag play as short-following strategy.

After my own personal bumper boat massacre, I know exactly what he means.

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About William Skink

I'm a poet and political cynic living and writing in Montana. You can contact me here: willskink at yahoo dot com
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